Despair Anthology

I'm in despair!!!

Well, this is a certain line from a certain character i liked.

It's a work of art by Koji Kumeta. Truly it is a work of art.

And in the animation adaptation, on the second seasons, after the endings, they'll read an entertaining short  stories. And i must say, i am impressed, but no, actually,  more than that, i became a fan. Well, they were just the author's complains and absurd jokes in the form of literary parodies.

But darn, they were good they were.

I mean, ever heard of "Crime and Punishment"? Or "Les Miserables", "Daddy-Long-Leg", "Rashomon", or "Run, Melos"?

I like the author's knowledge of literary. And the parody...

So i surfed the net, asked the great Mr. G for an easier to read version, yet i am unable to find them written. Not even on a single page. Not even mentioned!

Thus, i will write them myself.

Chronologically.

-Death Country

Once we left the tunnel, there was another tunnel.

After that tunnel, there was another tunnel

After that tunnel, there was yet another tunnel.

The tunnels went on and on.

Tunnels.

Tunnels the entire way.

That was my life.

I left the tunnel to find myself in another tunnel.

-Run, Eros.

Melos was enraged.

"Whaddya mean, seventy grand for a couple beers!?

Ya said there wasn't any extra charge!"

"No, that's our regular price."

"Then i'll go grab some money!"

"Leave a friend then. I'll bury him if you don't come back."

Melos ran.

"Sorry. I might not be back."

-Young death master.

I inherited my desire to die from my parents...

...and spent most of my childhood plotting my death.

In grade school...

...I jumped from the second floor, but i didn't die.

The next year...

...I tried slitting my wrists with a paper knife...

...but i still didn't die.

The year after that..

...I tried hanging myself by twisting paper into a rope...

...I tried gassing myself to death with chimicangas... 

...but i didn't die.

Such was my life.

-The Restaurant with Many Condolence Calls

Restaurant Puffer Fish House.

"This restaurant has many condolence calls so please keep that in mind."

So the deceased chef had many friends while he was alive?

"No, we're selling puffer fish without a license...

...so it's not that we receive many condolence calls...

...rather we have to make condolence calls to all customer who've died."

Wah!

Tremble. Tremble. Tremble.

The two began to cry.

"Bury yourself in the sand to counter the poison.

We can't wait fifteen minutes for the ambulance."

-Rodrico of Izu.

Rodrico came from Puerto Rico.

He looked to be about 32 years old.

Inside a dimly lit bath,

a nude Rodrico suddenly ran at me

and reached both hands to grab something.

He was completely nude without even a towel.

That was Rodrico.

-Kinsaku City

There's nothing as painful in this world as Kinsaku City.

I have to burn down Kinsaku City.

I have to burn it down for insurance.

If even one column is left standing, it might not count.

I have to properly burn it down completely.

Resolved that i can live no more, I set fire to Kinsaku City.

Huge flames fly up.

Those flames take Egawa's luxurious house...

"I should live," I thought.

-My name is Nero.

My name is Nero.

My life is already gone.

I have a vague idea of where i died.

Probably in that cold church, along with that dog.

That's right, that's right.

The fact that paintings by Rubens i wanted to see so much

was actually an anime

was a huge shock for me.

-24 Hitomis.

A young teacher went to his new appointment at a school on the coast.

His pupils were all different Hitomis.

Shimatani-san and Kuroki-san.

Yaida-san and Kanehara-san.

Manaka-san, Yoshizawa-san, and just plain Hitomi-san.

How to open these eyes to the way of the world?

They are already? I don't blame you.

in the stormy seas of showbusiness...

No, no. It just seems that way because i'm jaded.

Now i can only rely on you, Yoshizawa-san.

Your eyes are truly beautiful.

Please get this class together.

No, that's impossible. I graduated already. Stop it, stop it!

-Anime Miserables

For a single animation, Man Galjean was kept prisoner...

and forced to draw comics for an agonizing seventeen long years.

Having drawn dirty comics in the past, he found himself turned away by every anime producer.

Thanks to the compasion of a bishop, his long work was finally made into an anime.

However when he saw the pictures at the voice-over dubbing, he was miserable.

Broadcast was on Channel U, miserable...

Becoming animated is nothing, what's truly to be feared is not moving.

He hangs first, it's no good.

He doesn't hang it, ah it's no good.

Somehow, PTA miserable?

These grand dreams are miserable.

*PTA = Parent-Teacher Association, those who complains about bad materials for kid.

-Crime and Rejection

Those who rank first in the readership polls have the right ignore ethics, morals and publisher's codes.

If their intent as to increase sales, then any means, even bad, would be forgiven.

These are the people that drive the publishing world.

Other authors only continue to produce mediocre works while trying to preserve their publication.

How long will i be the latter? 

Crime and Rejection, continued.

It was an unrealistic plan but i had made up my mind.

Accepting my sin i began to write at once.

However, the desperate moe pictures i believed to have been well drawn were also rejected.

In the Akihabara station square the words of my readers echoed in my mind.

'Kiss the ground. Then shout to the people of the world, 'I pandered to the masses!"

My soul felt calm. 

All at once, tears came flooding forth.

*Moe= Trashy cutesy drawings intended for males.

*Akihabara= The electric town which is also the holy land of maniacs.

-Rashomon

It happened at sunset of one day.

A single servant was seated beneath the stage.

Worrying, worrying.

Sometimes you don't have the luxury of choosing how you live.

Besides, on top of the stage were nothing but women.

The servant jumped onto the stage and tore away the woman's underwear.

At that same moment, a frightening man appeared.

"We have a problem here, don't we? This way please."

No-one knows what became of the servant.

-Daddy Bare-feet

Underneath the door of the car with blacked-out windows...

she could see nothing but a pair of feet wearing no socks.

They were bare feet that gave exactly the same impression as Ishida Junichi.

'Daddy Bare-feet,' Judy decided to call this gentleman.

Every month, she received financial support on the condition of sending him an email with a file attached.

Daddy liked pictures of bare feet.

-Not Losing to the Anime

Not losing to the anime

Not losing to lack of popularity, or weak jokes.

With endless serialization, unfettered by venom, never dropped.

If there is a hikikomori to the east, going to their home to get them out.

If there i someone tired of being stalked to the west, going and taking the load for them.

If there is a violent person to the south, telling them there's no need for fear.

If there is a copyright suit to the north, telling them not to waste their time.

Shedding tears when i'm alone.

Neither complimented, nor spoken ill of.

I want to become such a person.

+EDIT+
Oh, i watched some bonus, and it seems that they still have some of thee stories.
Though, i'm not sure about the translations. I'm too tired to edit, so, enjoy.

-Under the Employee.

As Hans sat beneath a balustrade of Hitotsubashi, his editor called out to him.
"Congratulations, Your work will be serialized."
He had been recognized as a diligent author by the other authors, but the staff had mocked him as third rate.
Were he to serve the company diligently, perhaps he would be able to attain the same status as the staff...
This was a lie.
No matter how persevered, he was, after allm just a hireling. Writing comics remained nothing but temporary work.
No matter how hard he struggled, he was below the staff.
"This is keeping you from burning out, isn't it?
Without it, you'd be crushed beneath the staff."
The master called out to Hans in a kind voice, and Hans replied.
"Don't act like i'm like you, fourth-rate."
The master was beneath him who was beneath the staff.




-A Maiden's Fortune

Do you know why there's two copies of this fan-fic?
"Ain't it better when there's two guys rather'n just one? Tee-hee"
Splurge and splurge and splurge her way down the maiden way.
She collected three hundred books, but that was the maiden's fortune.
Her savings had disappeared into BL. A maiden's profligacy. Her balance was only three hundred yen.
In her heart, she excused herself with a "My tastes're a sickness."




-Gift of the Medi

Jimu's bookshelf is missing only 'Negima' Volume 2.
Tera, wanting to buy him it as a Christmas present, has no money.
In front of a shop window display on Broadway, she makes a decision.
She will sell her precious 'Prince of Tennis' DVDs and buy Negima with the money.
Meanwhile, Jimu sells his Negima paperbacks in exchange for a Prince of Tennis DVD box for her.
Their exchange of gift was wast-